*This article is a 3 minute read
Parenting in 2024 requires looking at the world through a new lens. A world intertwined with technology that is outpacing our instincts. Even if you choose to live off grid, schoolwork, paying bills, making plans, and most jobs require a cyborg existence where tech is attached to your body like a co-joined twin.
Thanks to technology the workday for many parents switched from 9 to 5 to 24/7. The ability to work remotely means 7 AM Zoom meetings during breakfast, begging permission to pick your child up from school at 3 PM, and dinners that entail the multi-tasking abilities of an octopus. Sleep is often sacrificed to catch up, but you never will. Working vacations are as common as a family road trip. Generally, you feel like you let your employer and your child down simultaneously. If you also care for aging parents ditto for being a disappointment to them as well. In short, parents are spreading themselves thin at a time when Mark Zuckergerg and the like handle our nations childcare.
Who wins in this scenario? I say somethings got to change.
I didn't want this life, and I didn't want it for my kid, but techs electromagnetic field has caught us in it's rapture. Sound dramatic? Well it is. Sound ironic coming from a blogger? Ironically it is.
My child graduated from middle school this week. The graduation ceremony was the most heartfelt I had ever experienced. He graduated from a K-8 charter school with a very small class. It was a school I always wanted my child to attend, but he didn't win the lottery until 7th grade. I wanted my child to have interpersonal experiences with his peers, not be a number. At this school he was in a nurturing environment, and he needed that. Correction, all kids need that now more than ever. The pandemic was a plague on our children-lockdowns, distance learning, blue screen lights became their beacons. This was addressed during the graduation from the kids, and their teachers' speeches as emotion ran over them. It was cathartic, and a sign that humanity prevails even in techs artificial blue light.
Educators deal with the repercussions of technology when children are bullied online, suffer FOMO, are simply distracted by their phones, or traumatized by inappropriate material they've viewed on the internet. Their jobs got tougher, parenting got tougher, and being a kid got well you guessed it-tougher!
I had to get over my vision of my child having a happy, perfect childhood. He was going to fall repeatedly, and he would fall down hard. I could warn him, try to protect him, offer my wisdom, but inevitably the law of gravity still applies. Ouch! this is painful to watch. What if I just cushion this fall? What if we avoid the pitfalls and find a perfect corner of the earth and live out the rest of our lives? Not a chance in hell even the Amazon has WiFi.
"Mom I saw something online I shouldn't have."
Despite the warnings, the parental controls, the diversion of IRL it happened, and I'm okay with it. Why? I can't police him all day and still expect him to grow up and make rational decisions on his own if he's never given the chance. Like the rest of us mere mortals he has free will, and with independence comes responsibility. I have the ability to venture into the dark web, but I don't. I have the ability to run my car off the road, but I don't. This is the equivalent of touching the hot stove. I warned you kid.
I remember riding the subway by myself to school in eighth grade. It was a one hour commute, a five minute walk crosstown. Day after day I walked in sync with fellow New Yorker's feeling like a grown up, until my survival skills were put to the test. A grown man was cat calling me (street harassment), I was scared, and I ran back to my school. I waited inside for an hour looking out the window to see if he was really gone. I told my dad when I got home. He advised me to tell the principal if it happened again, and that she should call the police. My father didn't panic. I remember he had a long sigh. What was he thinking in that moment? If it was fear he didn't show it. Had he experienced danger as a child? I think it's safe to assume yes.
Helicopter Parents, Snowplow Parents, Bulldozer Parents Step Aside!
Parents, our baby birds have wings for a reason. We can't prevent our children from living, and we can't control every variable. We can love them, raise them with values,warn them of dangers, and then let go at first with a watchful eye, and then without looking. It's the cycle of life. It doesn't come with a manual or code. It's osmosis. There's no one size fits all, just personalized child rearing that must evolve to fit our new normal.
The Gift-Resilience
A few days before school ended my son said he was happy it was all over. I told him that there will be things that he will miss about his school. It will hit you one day. You will have perspective as you experience more life. Those difficult moments, well that builds resilience. The ability to learn from mistakes and keep going. This is what growing up is all about. The writer Joeseph Conrad once said, "There can be no story without conflict." Life has it's trials and tribulations, perhaps they've grown exponentially with tech in our lives, as our jobs and expectations have grown more demanding, but let's take stock of what is good in this world our friends, family, caring teachers, and community. Let's teach our children not to fall victim to the trappings of the internet, but to fall in love with the ocean this summer, and to make the choice to enjoy life.
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