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My grandfather was a gifted musician, businessman, beloved by all, and he was blind.
As a kid, I was intimidated by his disability. I hardly spoke to him. He died when I was fifteen, and it felt like an opportunity to know a great man was lost. Since then, I have always been in tune with the special needs community.
My son was recently diagnosed with ADHD. Hardly a death sentence, but when you look at the symptoms: hyperactivity, difficulty focusing, and the worst culprit of all impulsiveness, you might understand how that can cause hardship for a child. The flip side is that my son is an incredibly creative artist, animal rights advocate, and can hyperfocus when he's engaged in one of his many interests. He is never dull. I feel like a lot of parents of special needs children, I want to shine a light on my child's abilities, not limit him to his disabilities.
There are a number of incredible non-profit organizations in the special needs community. Kimberlee Cross-Purdy is a volunteer with Autism Speaks and her son Zack is a twenty-three year old aspiring actor/public speaker who was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome at age two. Zack states, "I honestly think that people should treat everyone with the same amount of respect and kindness as they would to someone who is not on the spectrum. As my grandpa taught me as a kid, "Treat others the way you would want to be treated." I think that goes a long way."
We Don't Want Pity, We Want Understanding!
According to Kim, "Autism isn’t a label, it’s a map. How do you know how to get somewhere you’ve never been without a map? For some people it is easy to get to where they are going, they go in a straight line. But for kids on the Autism Spectrum sometimes their road takes a few turns along the way."
Since being a parent of a special needs child can be very isolating, non-profits like Best Buddies were created to help foster friendships between between people with and without intellectual and developmental disabilities. I first heard Anthony Kennedy Shriver , the founder of Best Buddies on TV talking about the need to eliminate the word "retarded" as an insult to one's intelligence from our vernacular.
Shriver stated, "Imagine how parents of special needs children feel when they hear that, the feeling like they can never be proud of their children's achievements." His words resonated with me, and this was years before I even became a parent.
Kathryn Cloward (Kathryn The Grape) writes children's books about feelings. She recently posted a photo of her cousin Michael who is developmentally disabled on Instagram. "He has a unique look and people often watch him for a few extra seconds when they see him. When I was a self-conscious teenager and didn’t want to draw any unwanted attention to myself, I sometimes felt embarrassed walking with Michael in public because he always wanted to hold my hand and I didn’t like how people stared at us. It makes me teary to write that — to share that. Thankfully, I grew out of that," posted Kathryn.
Cloward a talented singer/songwriter/musician uses her artistic talent to raise money for The MPS Society. Sales from her song Heroes helps fund research to cure this disease in which the body is missing or does not have enough of an enzyme needed to break down long chains of sugar molecules.
Educate Your Kids About Special Needs
Kim Purdy states, "Autism Speaks has what they call 100 Day Kit For Young Children written for parents, grandparents, hairdressers, babysitter and such. Great place to start. I had a friend ask me once how she could help her children better understand a child they played with on the Autism Spectrum. I sent her the link and she also found children's books. The biggest help I find is to talk about it!"
"Our children are no different than anyone else's, they want someone to be there for them, be their friend, and know they don't always learn or process the same way and to be patient and understanding," said Purdy.
Personally, I love interviewing people of various abilities take on challenges with veracity. Just look at Greta Thunberg teen climate activist who has Aspergers Syndrome. She is doing more for the planet than anyone could have imagined. Her disability isn't stopping her, it is aiding her as she is able to hyperfocus on the issues, and stand her ground in interviews. In the future, we may need people like Greta that can think out of the box, and this is why inclusion matters.
My son recently found out about his diagnosis. Initially, he used it as a scapegoat, but I told him he was given a super power. His power was enormous amounts of energy that can be used to do great things. "What?" He said in shock. "Yes," I said. "We all come to this world with some type of obstacle, and we grow into our own person because of it." Blindness never stopped my grandfather from living his life to the fullest. He never threw that pity party. His life was a miraculous, unpredictable gift.
Recently I attended a book reading with my child. While he sat well behaved and answered questions when called upon, I noticed there was an older girl in the audience who spoke out frequently, not waiting her turn, and talked off topic. Other parents began to whisper complaints and roll their eyes. I watched the mother of this child glance at her phone, looking up occasionally playing her best poker face. I wanted to reach out to her and let her know I've been there, but I didn't know her, and the best I could do was act like I didn't notice what was happening. That mom and daughter inspired this article.
How You Can Be a Friend
Not all disabilities are visible. Many children with ADHD or Autism look like neurotypical children.
So how can you help?
Never assume that a child is being disagreeable or spoiled when they tantrum or act out. Children on the spectrum have sensory issues. They may not like bright light, certain food textures, loud sounds, or particular fabrics touching their skin.
Kids with ADHD tend to have poor impulse control and have a tendency to speak before thinking. They may struggle to hold back a comment that may hurt someone’s feelings. They actually experience a 20-30 millisecond delay in reading another persons reactions or facial expressions. This disorder is real and is related to a problem in the Executive Function of the brain.
These are just a few examples of what you can expect, and knowledge is power. It is unfair to place the same standards of behavior on those with a disability, just as it is unfair to remove a wheelchair ramp from a building. Also, don't assume that children with these disorders are unintelligent, many doctors, scientists, and engineers have disorders like ADHD and Autism.
Some famous people with ADHD include:
Ryan Gosling
Justin Timberlake
Michael Phelps
Michael Jordan
President John F. Kennedy! Yes your child can still be president!
Famous People on The Autism Spectrum:
Stanley Kubrick
Andy Warhol
Dan Akroyd
Satoshi Tajiri, The Creator of Pokemon
Darryl Hannah
My point is, a disability is not the end of the road, but a new pathway. Don't let the label prevent you from getting to know someone spectacular! We've permanently cancelled the pity party.
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