Your child is your pride and joy, and you can't imagine why another kid would hit them. What's up with that toddler at preschool that's always hitting? Why does the neighbors two-year-old daughter bite children? Why do some kids scream for no reason at all? If you have perused parenting websites looking for answers look no further. Renata Cameron is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and Creator of Milestones' Mommy and Me parenting group. She discusses why children hit, bite, and scream.
MACARONI KID: Why do some toddlers bite?
RENATA CAMERON:Toddlers usually bite in response to experiencing a negative emotion (i.e. anger, frustration, jealousy, etc). These new, big emotions are often scary for them and developmentally they do not have to vocabulary or coping skills to respond appropriately.
How can parents stop them from doing this?
Parents can’t stop toddlers from biting, but the most effective way to respond is to remain calm and focus on teaching them how to appropriately work through their emotions. For example, if a toddler bites an effective response might look like, “It looks like you are really angry, you weren’t ready to share your toy. It looks like you hurt your friend. Let’s make sure she is okay.” This neutral response, combine with helping them understand their emotions and modeling an appropriate response will help stir their behavior away from the more innate instinct to bite.
Why do some toddlers like to hit other kids without a cause?
Toddlers are still learning about their world and a lot of their behavior should be looked at as them experimenting with cause and effect. Random hitting is often looked as at a toddler experimenting with boundaries, reactions, and/or their body/power.
How can a parent of a child being hit handle the other toddler?
Teaching how to respond to hitting is just as important as teaching not to hit. It’s not only okay but important to teach your child to stand up for themselves and that it’s never okay for someone to hurt them. For example, you might model how to respond by saying, “Use gentle hands. She doesn’t like to get hit. If you keep hitting, she can’t play with you.”
Screaming seems to spread like wildfire among toddlers and preschoolers how can adults get kids out of that habit?
Being loud is a part of childhood. It’s 100% okay to teach children that they need to use an inside voice when inside, but in order for them to be successful, it’s essential to give them plenty of time and chances to use their “outside” voice. Think of loud voices as energy that needs to be burned instead of a habit that needs to be changed. Brain maturation is essential to a lot of the appropriate behaviors adults desire. Learning and self-regulation are complex skills that can’t be rushed or forced. Consistency, time, and patience on the parents part are essential.
Renata Cameron, LMFT is a Licensed Family and Marital Therapist. She also the Founder of Mommy + Me parenting group, and Social Media Chair for the Postpartum Health Alliance. For more information visit: http://sdmommyandme.com/about/
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