"Remember the movie Three Men and a Baby? When three grown men couldn't figure out how to change a baby's diapers? Thirty-one years ago this movie was relatable to many people. Real men don't change diapers, that was the consensus, but wow have we evolved! I know stay at home dads, dads that work nights so they can raise their kids during the day on very little sleep, work from home dads that are responsible for making meals, doing the laundry, drop-offs, and pick-ups at school. I know single full-time dads, and dads that are entrepreneurs that have crafted their schedules around their kids day. Dad's are involved, hands-on, and they get it. They get that they matter, that they are a part of their children's lives, shaping their future. Gone are the days of dads only showing up, today dads are present.
My neighbors Geoffrey Plagemann, Howard Flamm and David Carano are modern dads. They range in age from 30's, 40's, and 50's. Geoff was a stay at home dad for a couple of years. I used to think he was a Manny, one of his sons was always on a trike, while the other was strapped to him in a Baby Bjorn, and if that wasn't enough to balance he would have a dog in tow.
"Every generation has it’s own parenting techniques and challenges. In general, I think my generation is forced to take a more shared approach to parenting, where both parents play equal parts in supporting the family. Many of the gender roles of previous generations have faded. In our family, my wife’s job gave us the opportunity to move across the country, and for two years I was a stay-at-home-dad," said Geoff.
David is a rock star guitarist at night and full-time dad to a seven-year-old son Nicholas during the day. He volunteers at his son's elementary school teaching music. He's a staple in the community as the fun dad on his skateboard, ready to referee a game or play remote control cars with the kids. Howard Flamm is a doting dad to his seven-year-old daughter Kyla. I asked all three men about their parenting style and how it differed or related to their own fathers.
David explained, " My dad is rad. He’s the hardest working guy I’ve ever known. He’s is way tougher and less emotional than I am. I used to complain about those things as a kid, but now as an adult, I understand where he’s coming from. Having him as a father has definitely made me tougher, and now I’m able to teach my son some of those traits, which is cool. "
Geoff admits, "My dad is awesome, but there were definitely times that my younger-self did not think so. I always think about how my parents handled situations, and when I find myself acting, or reacting like my dad would, it causes a moment of reflection. It took me becoming a father to better understand my own. My dad successfully raised two boys, so I’m grateful to be able to turn to him for advice."
When asked if he is anything like his dad Howard responded, "I think I'm more connected to my kid and more present ( better balance with work)." Like mothers these days, dad's multi-task, and while parenting is a tough job, it is the greatest job and these dads will attest to that!
Let the Good Times Roll
These modern dads find joy in the little things as well as the major milestones. According to Geoff, "Every day my kids will surprise, inspire, or crack me up, so picking a favorite memory is tough. Watching them experience life through fresh eyes is certainly the most rewarding part of being a father. I will say, the births of both my sons were incredible for different reasons. One had complications and the other could not have gone smoother, and still, both are two of the best days of my life."
David is happy to just hang with his wingman. " I really like the day to day memories of movie night, board games, watching Sponge Bob, etc. Vacation memories are great because the excitement of being in a new place and having nowhere to be brings out the best in us. My favorite father and son time memories are the car shows we’ve gone to. Car shows are his thing, so he’s in charge at those events, and that always brings out his most mature attitude, which makes for great conversations. But my absolute favorite memories are of all three of us laying in bed on a weekend morning talking and laughing about stuff," said David. Howard's fondest memories as a dad, "My child's birth, holding hands walking thru the mall & supermarket."
Advice for New Dads
David's tip- "Release your inner child, but talk to them like they’re adults. If they do something that would be unacceptable to do as an adult, correct them. But explain to them that this world is tough and that you’re only trying to prepare them for the future. If they do it a second time, discipline them by taking away a privilege, and always tell them you love them at the end. Hug them, hi-five them, and tickle them. But don’t tickle them until they cry. Try to make them better than you rather than taking your frustrations out on them. Tell them you’re sorry when you do something wrong. Teach them compassion, acceptance, and tolerance"
Geoff adds, "Every minute you get to spend with your kids is a gift… even if it's colic at 3 am, or throwing a tantrum in the middle of a restaurant. Every parent will tell you to enjoy every minute because they go by too fast."
Happy Father's Day Everyone, and to my own partner in crime Buona Festa di Papa!
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