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Do You Hover Over Your Child?

The Evolution of Helicopter Parenting

By Courtney Daly-Pavone May 18, 2018

Helicopter Parenting refers to parents that hover over their kids, not allowing children to make their own choices or experience independence. This parenting style evolved in recent years and doesn’t seem to be going away.  According to Family Therapist Renata Cameron, helicopter parenting is unhealthy for kids and adults. “Children feel a strong sense of independence when they are offered choices and allowed to take the lead.” There are a number of theories on the origins of helicopter parenting. According to Cameron, “An increased awareness surrounding childhood injuries, deaths and abductions naturally leave parents feeling anxious about providing children with the freedoms granted to previous generations.” 

3 Reasons Why Helicopter Parenting Exists

#1 It’s Not Safe Outside

A recent study revealed that children spend half the time playing outside in comparison to their parents.   As a preschooler, I remember playing in front of my home while my mom was inside not even watching me from the window.  Today, many parents feel it's just too dangerous for children under the age of nine to play outside alone myself included.  This reality presents a real dilemma for children from age three and up that want to experience independence and freedom. Parents also feel guilty if they can’t be in two places at the same time and watch their kids 24/7.  When I want to make dinner, and my son wants to play outside, I have to decide if we are going to eat later so he can have time with his friends outdoors, or he has to play inside so I can cook.  I am riddled with guilt if he’s indoors, but I justify my decision by saying to myself at least I know where he is. In most states, it is illegal for young children to walk to school without an adult, or play outside unsupervised.  Utah made news recently passing a Free Range Parenting Law allowing children to be outside alone if they are mature, and have sound judgment.

 #2 Information Overload

Educated parents are aware of the importance of recognizing their child’s emotions. Cameron states, “Research surrounding the parental impact on the developing brain and infant attachment has contributed to increased pressure on parents to stimulate, comfort, and respond.” So when a child is crying, today’s parents are more likely to soothe them, and talk to kids extensively about what’s going on versus parents in the past they let children resolve issues on their own.  Also, back then, parents did not play with their children or take classes with them.  My mother’s stock phrase when we were running amuck in the house, “Go play outside!” It was her way of saying scram! Beat it! “Calgon take me away!” No play dates were set up, I was left to find my own friends, which was based on my own judgment of their character.

 #3 Technology & Big Brother Parenting

In a Nielsen report, about 45% of US children 10 to 12 had their own smartphone with a service plan. “Modern conveniences such as cell phones and social media have provided parents with tools for access and monitoring that simply weren’t available in the past,” says Cameron.  

So is there anything good about helicopter parenting? Cameron says Yes!  “Depending on your child’s temperament, needs, or the situation, there will be moments when you as a parent may need to step in, advocate for, and potentially “hover” over your child.  However, when these situations arise, it’s helpful to see yourself as a support person (not a problem solver) and to seek out ways to empower your child.”

How to Break Out of Hovering

- Establish parameters when you are outside with your child.  Ex. Don't go past the swings. 

- Keep one eye on your child from a reasonable distance. 

- Give your child the opportunity to make mistakes they will learn from them.  

-Sometimes a light fall is okay they learn pretty quickly not to stand in front of a moving swing after they get knocked down.

At Times Helicopter Parenting is Necessary

“There are many ways to parent and every child is different. What may appear to be helicopter parenting from the outside, might, in fact, be an appropriate situational response for that moment, that parent, and that child. Try to withhold judgment and instead lean in with empathy and support for that parent. Being a parent is hard and what a family needs is a caring and connected community,” concludes Cameron.

Renata Cameron is a licensed marriage and Family Therapist specializing in child, adolescents, and maternal mental health. Renata also provides groups for new moms (+ their kids). You can learn more about Renata's practice at www.sdmommyandme.com and on Instagram and Facebook@Milestonesmommyandme